She had always been strong and confident. She knew what she wanted and strived hard for it. Nothing could stand in her way. She was called rude, selfish and over-ambitious. She just didn’t care. Ah! She had even started to enjoy the malice. She had mastered the art of scaring others away. Being hated was inevitable. Don’t losers hate winners? Her tongue was sharper than scissors. Truth was bitter and won’t it prick on being manifested? She had no friends. Who needed them when all they could do is drag her behind?
Life had taught her a hard lesson. The tragedy her family faced was afresh in her memory. What followed was series of disappointments. Her mother’s tears haunted her. She had cried too, until she could cry no more. She accepted new life and decided never to cry again. She saw herself as one capable of solving her mom’s worries. Everything else in life seemed as an unnecessary distraction. This world was selfish with no one to depend on. Relying on anyone was foolish. It would only lead to a broken heart. Now her vision was to be successful and powerful. Intelligent and young she was preparing herself to compete in men’s world.
Surprisingly, I found her cry few years later. Did anyone argue with her? Was she crushed by her rules? No.
With a sole purpose to get a white collar job, she was staying away from home studying. Almost every day she would call her mom through hostel phone. Now in final year her mom said things she least expected to hear. Was her mom not pleased with her? Was there more to be disappointed? Alas, they were just 3 words – “I miss you.” Her mom was back to her usual self! She had forgotten how nice was it to be loved and cared. It was like a bolt out of clear sky. She didn’t want to break down in front of others. She cut the call abruptly short and returned to her room.
Now I see her cry alone in my mirror reflection. Yes, I was speaking about myself. I cried with the mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. I was happy that mom was out of her old worries thinking about me. I was sad at what I had become. I had remained strong when confronted with hardship and bitterness. It’s the kindness that made me realize. Good words leave a deep impact. I still had a heart that was thirsty for affection. Few kind affectionate words were like rain on dry land. The person I had been few seconds back seemed like a stranger to me. I was moved by my mother’s affection. I felt light, happy and contended after a long time.
I wondered, who had brought about the change ? Who had helped my mom overlook the past? My mother had recently started reading Quran with translation. It’s in the remembrance of Allah that a believer’s heart would find peace. In Quran is the remedy for depression, anxiety, malice and much more. It is our Guide helping us to see beyond small problems of our life. This world is a test, and would seem unfair. Retribution is in hands of The most Just, Allah alone. During difficulties or loss, most of us are engrossed in self-pity. Somehow everything appears to be taunting. And then we are over precautious and isolate. If only we could see the event beyond us, as His plan – Life would be much easier.
More than a decade later, I don’t get to hear “I miss you”. Well, I am always there with my family :-). I don’t rock any cooperate world. Instead, a toddler rocks my world. My world is confined to my sweet home and my biggest dilemma is what to serve as next meal. Yes I am a home maker by will. I recollect my rebellious teenage and wonder why was I like that? I am hardly anything like what I wanted to be then. I wanted to solve my problems myself and trusted none. Now I leave my worries with Allah and trust only Him. He has best plans for me. I have no regrets about what befell upon me. It was just His way to bring me closer to Him. Alhamdhulilah.
At times when I look at the mirror I recollect that day and wonder what will I be like in future? Life is unpredictable, and I hope to change more as to please Him. Hope I don’t run back behind things which take me away from right path. And I hope my last days are the best in His eyes.
Dear reader, do you see yourself as a stranger in your past too? When we our self are so unpredictable, who are we to judge others? Let’s leave judgment in hands of Allah. Let us strive to improve ourselves so as to please Him. Let’s hold on to Quran to suppress the devastating storm within us.
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Subhanallah. This is such a beautiful post 🙂 inspiring and heartwarming. Loved reading it
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Jazak Allahul khair sister. Your words are encouraging. ❤
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Wa antum fa Jazakumullahu khayran
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Subhannallah, this is so moving and hits close to home. Jazak allahu khayran for sharing.
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Alhamdhulilah. The pleasure is all mine.
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Aslkm
May Allah always bless you in all your efforts . Truly inspiring story ! 👌
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Oh! my unpaid sweet editor/ manager/ critic. Jzk for commenting. ❤
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Maa shaa Allah, Baaraka Allah. I am really inspired and touched by this story. May Allah reward you for sharing it sister 🙂
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Ameen. Jazak Allahul khair for reading sister.
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Asslamu alekum …I have nominated you for “Free style writing challenge”. Check out rules here- https://khamoshdhadkanen.wordpress.com/2015/06/12/the-free-style-writing-challenge/
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I like the topic will try.
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Nice and provoking post! May God help you in your difficult times.
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Ameen. 🙂
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Thank you for sharing. I really felt you opened yourself up and I know I could see a glimpse of my younger self. I think that is why when I look at my own daughters I try to connect to all the crazy emotions I was going through at their age.
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Your daughters are blessed to have you as a mother dear. May Allah make them coolness of your eyes. Ameen.
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This is very inspiring. It does cut across a lot of people. Barakallahu feeki
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Jazak Allahul khair.
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This was very inspiring indeed. Thanks for sharing
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That’s my most favorite duaa in the world that you’ve shared in the end. I remember a few years ago, I was doing everything I had to, but my heart wasn’t feeling right. Until one Ramadan I made sincere duaa, and invested in learning/reading more Quraan. SA now even when I’m blue on some days, I never feel sad or alone.
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Every body has a turning point. I love all duas from quran and hadith. There is depth in duas of the prophets. May Allah open our heart so as to ponder upon His words.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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MashaAllah…and so we travel through this journey of life! As long as theres growth, you know you on the right path 🙂 Sometimes we are our own worst critics, but we should remind ourselves of Allahs mercy!
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Aptly said 🙂
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Mashallah. What a beautifully written & absolutely heart warming post.
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Jazak Allahul khair. ❤
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MashaAllah lovely read
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🙂
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Yes- my old self is a stranger to me..I love how you talk about letting go and letting Allah take care of everything. INEEEED to do that…this incorrect notion that something is in our control is what causes us to feel so many negative emotion. All th best1
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Exactly sister. We are more secure in Allah’s hands than ours.
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Alhamdulillah, you and your mum were able to come out of that difficult period and found Allah. For some people, they just get stuck there which is so sad.
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May Allah help us to connect with such and take their sadness away. Ameen
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SubhanAllah. Needed to read this…currently struggling with who I am…
Inspiring post…JazakAllah khair for sharing
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Alhamdhulilah.
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ameen, mashaa allaah such an inspiring post, jazakillaah khair
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Wow, there were parts where i thought i was reading about myself, subhanallah Allah knows best and we know not, life can take us into nay direction at any time
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Assalamu alaikom sister.
This is so touching and inspirational, honestly made me tearful. JazakAllah khair for the wonderful message. Indeed, we shouldnt judge others for who they are now may be better than who we are today. SubhanAllah.
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Walikum salam.
Alhamdhulilah. Jzk for leaving a comment. Sister, being judgemental was my prime focus in this post. I am glad you saw through it. Your comment is valuable. ❤
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Surprisingly, I was happier with the past me than now. I need to reevaluate but to be honest you can’t always get what you want in life right? Great post!
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Yes sister, we can’t always get what we want. We have to learn to be happy with what we have. May Allah give us patience in times of difficulties.
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