I thought I knew her.

She had always been strong and confident. She knew what she wanted and strived hard for it. Nothing could stand in her way. She was called rude, selfish and over-ambitious. She just didn’t care. Ah! She had even started to enjoy the malice. She had mastered the art of scaring others away. Being hated was inevitable. Don’t losers hate winners? Her tongue was sharper than scissors. Truth was bitter and won’t it prick on being manifested? She had no friends. Who needed them when all they could do is drag her behind?
Life had taught her a hard lesson.  The tragedy her family faced was afresh in her memory.  What followed was series of disappointments. Her mother’s tears haunted her. She had cried too, until she could cry no more.  She accepted new life and decided never to cry again. She saw herself as one capable of solving her mom’s worries. Everything else in life seemed as an unnecessary distraction. This world was selfish with no one to depend on. Relying on anyone was foolish. It would only lead to a broken heart. Now her vision was to be successful and powerful. Intelligent and young she was preparing herself to compete in men’s world.

Surprisingly, I found her cry few years later. Did anyone argue with her? Was she crushed by her rules? No.

With a sole purpose to get a white collar job, she was staying away from home studying. Almost every day she would call her mom through hostel phone. Now in final year her mom said things she least expected to hear. Was her mom not pleased with her? Was there more to be disappointed? Alas, they were just 3 words – “I miss you.”  Her mom was back to her usual self! She had forgotten how nice was it to be loved and cared.   It was like a bolt out of clear sky. She didn’t want to break down in front of others. She cut the call abruptly short and returned to her room.

Now I see her cry alone in my mirror reflection. Yes, I was speaking about myself. I cried with the mixed feelings of happiness and sadness. I was happy that mom was out of her old worries thinking about me. I was sad at what I had become. I had remained strong when confronted with hardship and bitterness. It’s the kindness that made me realize. Good words leave a deep impact.  I still had a heart that was thirsty for affection.  Few kind affectionate words were like rain on dry land. The person I had been few seconds back seemed like a stranger to me. I was moved by my mother’s affection. I felt light, happy and contended after a long time.

good words

I wondered, who had brought about the change ?  Who had helped my mom overlook the past? My mother had recently started reading Quran with translation.   It’s in the remembrance of Allah that a believer’s heart would find peace.  In Quran is the remedy for depression, anxiety, malice and much more.  It is our Guide helping us to see beyond small problems of our life. This world is a test, and would seem unfair. Retribution is in hands of The most Just, Allah alone.  During difficulties or loss, most of us are engrossed in self-pity.  Somehow everything appears to be taunting. And then we are over precautious and isolate.  If only we could see the event beyond us, as  His plan – Life would be much easier.

Solution for contentment
Solution for contentment

More than a decade later, I don’t get to hear “I miss you”.  Well, I am always there with my family  :-).  I don’t rock any cooperate world. Instead, a toddler rocks my world.  My world is confined to my sweet home and my biggest dilemma is what to serve as next meal. Yes I am a home maker by will. I recollect my rebellious teenage and wonder why was I like that? I am hardly anything like what I wanted to be then. I wanted to solve my problems myself and trusted none. Now I leave my worries with Allah and trust only Him. He has best plans for me. I have no regrets about what befell upon me. It was just His way to bring me closer to Him. Alhamdhulilah.

Sufficient is Allah
He is all that we need.

At times when I look at the mirror I recollect that day and wonder what will I be like in future?  Life is unpredictable, and I hope to change more as to please Him. Hope I don’t run back behind things which take me away from right path.  And I hope my last days are the best in His eyes.

Every second counts, rely on His mercy
Every second counts, rely on His mercy

Dear reader, do you see yourself as a stranger in your past too? When we our self are so unpredictable, who are we to judge others? Let’s leave judgment in hands of Allah. Let us strive to improve ourselves so as to please Him. Let’s hold on to Quran to suppress the devastating storm within us.

Our hearts are inHis hands
Our hearts are inHis hands

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38 thoughts on “I thought I knew her.

  1. Thank you for sharing. I really felt you opened yourself up and I know I could see a glimpse of my younger self. I think that is why when I look at my own daughters I try to connect to all the crazy emotions I was going through at their age.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That’s my most favorite duaa in the world that you’ve shared in the end. I remember a few years ago, I was doing everything I had to, but my heart wasn’t feeling right. Until one Ramadan I made sincere duaa, and invested in learning/reading more Quraan. SA now even when I’m blue on some days, I never feel sad or alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Every body has a turning point. I love all duas from quran and hadith. There is depth in duas of the prophets. May Allah open our heart so as to ponder upon His words.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Like

  3. Yes- my old self is a stranger to me..I love how you talk about letting go and letting Allah take care of everything. INEEEED to do that…this incorrect notion that something is in our control is what causes us to feel so many negative emotion. All th best1

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Assalamu alaikom sister.

    This is so touching and inspirational, honestly made me tearful. JazakAllah khair for the wonderful message. Indeed, we shouldnt judge others for who they are now may be better than who we are today. SubhanAllah.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Walikum salam.
      Alhamdhulilah. Jzk for leaving a comment. Sister, being judgemental was my prime focus in this post. I am glad you saw through it. Your comment is valuable. ❤

      Like

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