A Perfect husband

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Gentlemen, have you wondered, “what a woman desires?!” Ladies, let’s discuss, “How should a perfect husband be?” What kind of person would you love to marry? For those of us who are married, what were/are your expectations from your life partner? Is he a romantic hero who would sweep you off the floor with his charm? Or, are you expecting him to shower love on you with roses and chocolates! I am sure every woman has her definition of Prince Charming/ Superman. Does anyone really fit in?

Having seen marriage of a near and dear ones break, I had lost trust in marriage. When it was my turn to get married, I was scared. I wondered, “How should a perfect husband be?” The romantic hero seen in movies appeared to be an immodest flirt. I was sure such would continue to woo other women too. I was looking for a real human not a superman. A husband should cater to physical, emotional and financial needs of a wife. Unfortunately, many have failed in one or all these aspects. Men mostly seem incapable of expressing love. Do you know your partner’s likes and dislikes? Can you recognize your spouse’s developing anger? How many activities do you do together? Thankfully, I learnt about a person who reassured my faith in marriage.

My search led me to take interest in life of a modest man. His wife didn’t have to search for a reason/activity to get his attention. At home he readily made himself available for her. He would help her with the household chores! Love needs to grow in a marriage. Occasional showering of gifts/flowers cannot replace the interaction required to nurture plant of love. Unlike most men he listened attentively to his wife. What else could be better to prove a man’s love than caring for every word his wife utters. He could make out his wife’s slightest expression of anger! When she is upset, he consoled her. He saw to it that, no one hurt his wife, including her family even if it was in his favor! He didn’t ignore his wife’s whims and fancies. In short, he used every chance to shower her with affection. He was not amidst those who would forget their wife at the time of honor. He saw to it she had same privileges as him. No person is devoid of human flaws. He didn’t make big deal of his wife’s flaw and rectified it with love!!!  A wife hopes her spouse cares for her parents and extended family the way she does. Our hero respected and cared for his wife’s relatives even after her death! Do you think a busy successful person cannot be like that? Does this make him appear as someone unsuccessful in life? Contrary to that, he is the most successful person ever. This humble king even sought his wife’s advice in important matters. He was none other our beloved Prophet (ﷺ).  This unlettered Prophet (ﷺ)  was wise enough to state.

Prophet was best towards his wives

With an open mind let us see how exactly he treated his wives. Gentlemen here are some tips to increase sweetness in a married life. 😉 Our Prophet (ﷺ) was indeed a perfect HUSBAND!!

humble

Help your wife with chores.

Most of us struggle to find quality time with our husband. Either spouses are too busy or emotionally void. Helping one another in everyday activities could keep love fresh and strong.

ultimate listener

Once, Aisha (RA) narrated a story of 11 women. It is a lengthy hadith where in each women relates about her husband. Prophet (ﷺ)   listened to her without showing any signs of fatigue or boredom. He didn’t interrupt her and finally related “I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife.” [Shahi Al Bukhari]

I have not included the entire hadith here due to its length. Indeed one who reads this hadith could make out how attentive was the Prophet (ﷺ)   to his wife! J

During Hudaibiya treaty, Shabas were disappointed that they can’t perform umrah that year. None proceeded to sacrifice. Umm salamah (r.a)  said, “O the Prophet (ﷺ) of Allah! Do you want your order to be carried out? Go out and don’t say a word to anybody till you have slaughtered your sacrifice and call your barber to shave your head.” The Prophet (ﷺ) followed her advice. When the sahabas saw what their Rasool (ﷺ) had done, they copied him with zeal. [Shahih al Bukhari]

Our Prophet (ﷺ) didn’t feel inhibited to follow a wise advice of a woman.

Scintillating rectifier

jealous wife

There is no mention of him being angry at Ayesha RA. He realized her love for him had made her jealous. How wisely he handled the situation?!

benevolent

be good to wife's relatives

Subhan Allah, his () love and respect for his wife Khadija (May Allah be pleased with her) extended even after her death. He continued to maintain ties with her family and friends.

Anger recognizer

console your angry wife

Mother of believers Ayesha (RA) hardly did anything to express her anger. Just one different word was enough for our dear Prophet (ﷺ) to recognize her anger. He didn’t ignore it, but mentioned this to his beloved wife. Subhan Allah

never abused

be kind to your wife.

Our brave prophet (ﷺ), who commanded armies, was always kind to his wives and those who served him!

Desirable

Darling wife.

With such open verbal expression of love, a wife would feel happy, secure and contended.


Handsome is what Handsome does. Now, could there be any one more handsome than our prophet? Are you amazed at prophet’s treatment towards his wives? I have just mentioned few of my favorite hadiths. He was much more pleasing. He entertained and played with them too. So, what kind of partner would you like? How about following our Prophet’s (ﷺ)  advice?

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (ﷺ)  who said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

With this hadith in mind, I had prayed for a religious man. Our choice for a spouse has a great impact on our future and our children’s future!  Only a man with Taqwa (God consciousness) can try his best to cater physical, emotional and financial needs of his wife and children. My hubby may not be the best man ever, but, Alhamdulillah he is the best man I know. One of the things I love about him is, the way he cares for our children. He doesn’t fuss when it comes to helping me with kids. This gives me extra time to learn, memorize and blog.

Ladies, pay heed. No one is perfect. There are times when I am angry /disappointed with my hubby. That’s when I remember:

Ungrateful wife

Yes, that’s scary. Indeed my husband’s merits outweigh his shortcomings. Life is too precious to be wasted on arguments for trivial things. When upset I recollect some of the lovely things he did for me. This melts my anger away. (MostlyJ) Then, I think of my flaws. Honestly, he rarely complains about them. This really turns my anger into appreciation for him.

Remember ladies, no one can be a better husband than our Prophet Muhammed (ﷺ). Blessed is a lady, whose husband aspires to be like Prophet (ﷺ) was to his wife.  Support him when he practices any sunnah (prophetic mode of life). With time, he would make Prophet (ﷺ) his role model. This would be a huge blessing for a wife.

For those of us who are married we can still strengthen bonds of love by ignoring the past. Let us help one another grow spiritual. May our bonding with Allah help us establish a place in heaven together.

Quran [at-Toor 52:21] [ar-Ra ‘d 13:23] [az-Zukhruf 43:70].

This is where our concern should be. Are you the one who wakes your spouse for fajr? Do you request your spouse to accompany you to a movie or an Islamic class? Do you relax with music or qirat?

Aim for the true eternal love.

Prepublished in Muslimahbloggers

For the list of other articles please click here

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Why I love him?

His high morals, make him most loved person.

-Facing hostility-

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

His high morals, make him most loved person.
Why I love Him?

What is love? Dictionary states: It’s a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. We would all agree to that. Whom do we love? I am not speaking about our parents or spouse. Given a choice, what kind of person do/will you love? Perhaps, it’s someone smart, intelligent, caring, stylish, strong, compassionate, jovial and much more. J Here we may all have different perspective. Still, we develop affection for someone outside our classification! Love doesn’t always blossom where we want it to be! It grows with someone who cares for us! We cannot stop admiring one who accepts us with our flaws and brings best out of us. Sometimes a hard blow is necessary to see this. A shoulder to lean and cry is all we need. We don’t care how tall or how handsome that person is.

Can you recollect a day when you were misunderstood? Probably, you felt out of place even amidst people you had known for ages. What was the worst day of your life like? For me, it was a day in hostel. I had tried to speak in support of my sister against a popular friend. In return, I was shown how cruel, inconsiderate, unpractical and dreadful was I. It was not just her; almost everybody had something to say. I wondered why they can’t remember a single good thing I did to them. I was ashamed to have considered them so great. What followed was loneliness!  Alhamdhulillah, I’ve grown out of it and am in better relationship with the people involved.  Yet, my heart holds very special place for those who had even bothered to smile at me in those lonely days.

Amidst my loneliness, I learn about a man who cared too much for others. He wanted best for the people. He ventured into unfamiliar cities with a hope that they would listen to him. He intended no personal gain and his caption was in people’s best interest. Wouldn’t we have loved to listen to the caption? He didn’t get the desired response! He was insulted, humiliated and stoned away from a city. We can’t even stand being interrupted in our speech. And this soft-spoken gentle man who deserved to be given a VIP treatment was abused mentally and physically! What was the problem? Well, his perfect agenda conflicted with people’s personal opinions and false hopes. They preferred to be lost in their illusions than face beneficial truth. Is it hard to relate? Sounds annoying, doesn’t it?

His mission was pure and indeed he was to succeed. He had an opportunity to take revenge against these ungrateful people. What would you have done? Recollect a situation where you were wronged. Poor you facing office politics; or, as an innocent bride being cornered in in-law’s place; what did you wish? Honestly, as a teenager on my worst day, I wished with all my heart that each one of them face similar situation in their life.  Our hero could have destroyed the city. After all, they deserved it. He opts to FORGIVE them. Yes, you read it right. HE FORGAVE THE PEOPLE WHO INSULTED AND STONED HIM!!!

Why? He hoped that the descendants of those people would be wise enough to see the truth! He admits it was the worst day of his life. He had come there with great hope. Not a single soul stood by him. He was bruised and hurt. He was left bleeding in outskirts of the city with no food and water. Yet, for greater good he overlooked his pain and suffering. He was not there to show them – “Now see my wrath”. Instead he showered mercy upon them. This really astonished me. Here was me, who having argued for a personal reason was struggling to face the consequences which could hardly be called abusive. Yet, I harbored grudge. And this blessed person, with tears in his eyes, bruised, hungry and aching body prayed for the forgiveness of the ones responsible for his state. I couldn’t help but cry out of love for him. How could someone be so selfless? He considered his mission to be far greater than any pain he would ever face.  Even in worst of the situations he was patient and only uttered words in praise of the Lord! No wonder he was honored to convey the ultimate truth. For me, this was enough to prove that there couldn’t be a man better than him. He inspired me to overlook my pain. This slowly melted my malice away. I realized, I would gain no pleasure by seeing those who confronted me facing similar situation.

There is nothing great about being nice and courteous to one who is good to us. To judge our character, we should check our response in an undesirable situation. How did you react? I’m afraid, I’ve failed many times. How wise and sensible was this kind man. Even agony and humiliation had failed to degrade him in anyway.  His refined character shined in all situations. In his life I see solution to my aching heart. With depth of my heart I wish best for him. May he always be at peace. Have you guessed who is he?

He is none other than our beloved prophet Muhammed (ﷺ). And his mission was to call people towards one true Allah. The incident I mentioned is that of Taif.

Hardest day in the life of the prohet
Incident at Taif

As he had hoped Taif became land of strong muslims. Alhamdhulilllah. How does Muhammed (ﷺ) inspire you? Feel free to comment.

Indeed high moral caliber of prophet Muhammed (ﷺ) melts and consoles many hearts. He inspires me to be a better person. Now, I was left with other regrets. Why didn’t I bother to voice out for others the way I supported my sister? I decided that I will never gang up to make someone feel low.

This was just a reflection from an incident in prophet’s (ﷺ) blessed life. It’s just a tip of the iceberg. There is so much more to learn from his (ﷺ) life. There are many more reasons to love him (ﷺ). Insha Allah, will be back with more reflections soon.

Quran 33:56
Blessings and salutaions on the Prophet SAW

 

IT IS WORTH MENTIONING:
When the people of Taif had stopped chasing prophet Muhammed SAW, he was, tired and bleeding. Having been tortured and humiliated by the people of Taif, he sat alone under a tree. THIS IS WHAT HE SUPPLICATED THERE!

“ O Allah! I COMPLAIN TO YOU of my WEAKNESS, my SCARCITY OF RESOURCES and the HUMILIATION – I have been subjected to by the people.
O Most Merciful of those who are merciful. O Lord of the weak and my Lord too.
To whom have you entrusted me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility?
Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair?
SO LONG AS YOU ARE NOT ANGRY WITH ME, I DO NOT CARE.
YOUR FAVOR IS OF A MORE EXPANSIVE RELIEF TO ME.
I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right,
LEST YOUR ANGER OR YOUR DISPLEASURE DESCENDS UPON ME.
I DESIRE YOUR PLEASURE AND SATISFACTION UNTIL YOU ARE PLEASED.
There is no power and no might except by You.”

Subahan Allah. Here we sob and complain on facing any trial. Even if we are stuck in traffic, we wonder why is our life like this!
Our beloved prophet, in spite of facing such cold treatment, fears Displeasure of Allah! He further acknowledges Allah’s favours on Him. He didnt care for anything but Allah.

This raises Shukr Allah to whole new level. Allah o akbar.

Alhamdhulillahi Ala kulli haal.

* Supplication taken from seerah of Rasool.

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